Renske: ‘I’d rather have a hug than sex with my husband’

“Iwan is the sweetest man I could wish for. Strangely enough, I knew that immediately when I met him. We both played badminton at an association in the center and during a spontaneous game of doubles he was very gallant. little things. Giving me the space to grab a difficult ball anyway, and not push ahead like a rooster, for example.”

careful and sweet

“He complimented me on my service. Not to make fun of, but simply because he thought so. Afterwards he thanked me for the nice pot, which we had narrowly won. Now a sports hall does no one any good, but with those white legs under it wide shorts and such a faded orange shirt, I did not immediately swoon. Not even at all.”

“I still felt something. Something. It took at least ten training sessions before Iwan asked me out. To the jazz festival in the city. I thought it was nice and safe, because it could just as well be friendly. Wasn’t it, of course While we were both softly swaying with a fat American with a saxophone, I suddenly felt his arm around my waist and his lips on my cheek. Careful and sweet.”

“That’s how he still is now, 23 years later. With three teenagers, a nice but big house and both busy jobs, our lives are pleasantly full. Iwan cooks every day and does the shopping, and if I only have a little If I have a headache, he also does the laundry for me. I love him, and yet we haven’t been intimate for years. I can’t even remember the last time.”

“Sometimes he tries to seduce me, but unfortunately I no longer feel it. His body has become an old man’s body. Hanneke Groenteman recently said so aptly that she no longer needs sex because she does not like old people, and recognized that I do. And then Iwan is only 58, but still. I’d rather have a hug than have sex with my husband.”

Intimacy in other things

“His body has become functional for me. I think his sweat is dirty and his breath is gross. I’m not saying that because I love him so much. We don’t talk much about sex, or the lack of it. I do know that sometimes he gives himself some relief when he suddenly locks the bathroom door and I also take good care of myself when I go to bed nice and early while he and the kids watch another movie downstairs.And that’s okay.We allow each other our own mystery. “

“Iwan knows that there is a toy in my bedside table and finds and asks for nothing. Our intimacy is in other things. In laughing together, in having half a word enough and to the annoyance of our children, sometimes saying exactly the same thing at the same time. In the plans we make for when the kids are out of the house and we retire, in the look he gives me when my demented mother says something unkind to me again and how I feel seen by him in it. We give each other a hug at the beautiful moments, such as when our young son recently moved on to the second. And in conversations with friends he sometimes squeezes my hand.”

“The funny thing is, sex has never played a big part in our relationship. While I could rabbit with a previous boyfriend for days, it was never wild and ferocious with Iwan. We have been comrades from day one and it was always in bed too. loving and fine Recently I spoke with a friend about sex and how she has put it so high on her list of priorities now that she is single again How she can enjoy a smashing date and be disappointed when a nice man turns out to be a softie in the bedroom.”

Not boring at all

“Suddenly I realized that from the very beginning I decided with Iwan that the physical party would be a few steps lower in our relationship. I’ve had my party and adventures, I’ve finished that chapter. Our story is beautiful and rich and by no means boring. Even the fact that we both don’t make a point of it, I think is a gesture of love. Everything I felt when I met Iwan has turned out to be completely true for 23 years.”

Wanted: Love Lessons

For the Love Lesson section on RTL Nieuws Lifestyle we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with hands in your bosom. Did you eventually turn out to be the one with fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love or did a blended family turn out to be an illusion? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. You can tell anonymously. Mail to: