Cheating during pregnancy: ‘He feels neglected’ | In the news

Several juice channels reported that Waylon was cheating while his girlfriend Bibi was pregnant with their son Chester. Waylon responded to the allegations, posting a remarkable photo to his Instagram last week that read, “I know i fucked up.” In his apology he does not use the word ‘cheating’. He does write on Instagram that he is sorry. “What I’ve done is unforgivable and I don’t expect Bibi to forgive me just like that.” Bibi gave birth to the boy almost four weeks ago.

Waylon is not the first to have cheated on his girlfriend before or after giving birth. In 2019, for example, it became clear that reality star Khloé Kardashian and the basketball player Tristan Thompson broke up, because Tristan cheated on Khloé during the pregnancy.

Second place

Why men cheat during pregnancy or after childbirth has to do with neglect, explains psychologist Jeffrey Wijnberg. “The essence of cheating during pregnancy is that the man feels neglected, because he comes second in one fell swoop. While you would think that the man would realize that it is a temporary period. You would say he knows what he’s getting into when he impregnates a woman. On the contrary, he should be proud and pay attention to the mother-to-be or look forward to the arrival of the child. In short, that something is added to the relationship instead of something going off. But this is all rational. The feeling that the man can get is correct: I get a shortage of attention and I will compensate for that shortage by cheating.”

Chores

However, the attitude of the mother should not be underestimated either. “If the mother is already a maternal type, the focus is completely on the pregnancy and the birth of the child. The man is also frequently used for chores that were not there before. Moreover: those jobs are for the benefit of the child and not his. The fact that all the attention is focused on the child is in some cases almost traumatic for men.”

According to Wijnberg, these chores are different. “Everything the woman did before the pregnancy she may not be able to do now. This falls on the shoulders of the man. For example, arranging the agenda for the visit and getting groceries. And after childbirth changing diapers and making bottles. The woman often requires the man to support her in this.”

Lust or emotion

When men cheat, it is not always because they lack sex. “It’s about attention and feeling, not always about lust when the man cheats. Men think: ‘I don’t count anymore and only get assignments. I get the groceries, but I also flirt with the cashier.’” According to Wijnberg, men only cheat if something is not right in the relationship. “If everything goes well between the partners, it is unlikely that the man is cheating. If there were problems in the relationship before the pregnancy, they only get worse during the pregnancy.”

Traumatic

According to Wijnberg, it also has to do with the amount of pregnancy it is. A second pregnancy can be more traumatic for the man, because he receives even less attention. “It is not the time for all men to cheat, but for the man’s feeling, the woman also cheats. Not with a man of course, but with the child. It may be strange to say it that way, but to him it can feel that way.”

Solution

Wijnberg says that more sensitive women sense when something is not right in the relationship. “A woman could also sense it and start a conversation. Giving him attention and appreciating him by saying she loves him, for example. She discusses this in time if she notices that something is wrong in the relationship. They prefer to look for a solution together. But if partners really know each other well, it probably won’t come to that.”

Intimacy

After the pregnancy there is sometimes more room for intimacy. “Some women can’t wait to have sex with their partner after pregnancy. This also has to do with hormones and differs per woman. Some women want to start with a second or third child right after their pregnancy. If you want to get pregnant, you feel like having sex.”

‘Dumb choice’

Wijnberg does state that not all men have the tendency to cheat. “It differs per man. It can take some getting used to for some men that he now has to share the attention of his love partner with a pregnancy. Which can be a reason to seek attention elsewhere. In my view, cheating is always a very stupid choice in all respects. The man effortlessly complicates his situation.”

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