Joshua Nolet was destructive in lockdown: ‘Looked for incentives in drink and drugs’ | NOW

Chef’Special foreman Joshua Nolet has had a hard time during the corona crisis, he says in an interview with Men’s Health. The singer, who is now the father of daughter Coco, used more and more drugs and felt depressed. “I have been very destructive for a while, about ten months,” says the singer.

“I took such bad care of myself,” says Nolet. “There were no more incentives, everything fell away – the whole festival summer, all the shows. There was no Coco yet. I thought, why should I take care of myself? I didn’t have to be on stage. I didn’t have to present myself. I needed new incentives. I looked for them in the wrong things. Things you normally do at a party – booze and drugs.”

“I normally have a very healthy, recreational relationship with that,” the singer continues. “But I started doing it more and more often, that crept in. If it gets too quiet, I start to feel the pain that is underneath it. I have always been able to work around that with a bow. I was always busy with the band, relationships or women. I always had something to lose myself in as a distraction. The silence was too confronting for me, so I numbed myself.”

‘I was no longer in control’

Nolet now realizes that he needed that phase to wake up. “On paper I was still functioning, but I lost control. I only noticed that after I had failed to keep an appointment with myself a number of times. I was no longer in control and that was the moment that alarm bells went off for me. “

“I’m very happy that there were people around me who said, you’re going too far,” says Nolet. “That’s one of my few skills: I always manage to gather a group of people around me that lifts me up and inspires me. Those people also helped me at that time, with my girlfriend, Caroline, in the front.”

“She is really my greatest rock,” the singer continues. “She pulled me through that lockdown. And she was the first to deal with my winter depression. She didn’t run away, didn’t try to fix me. She was just there. I knew: I can be depressed with you and you don’t take it personally. She’s my rock. I’m so, so grateful to her.”

Singer has been struggling with winter depression for some time

Nolet says that he has suffered from depression for the past seven winters. “During those depressions, there are moments when I really don’t want to anymore. I no longer get out of bed and flirt with getting out of life. There is a dark blanket over everything and I can no longer explain to myself why I keep doing this I then have the feeling that I have nothing more to add.”

In the winter of 2020, the singer decided to start taking antidepressants. “It felt like the ultimate weakness. If I couldn’t solve it myself, then that was wrong. And it wasn’t like I wasn’t trying anything to improve the situation: I played sports, went to the psychologist… but still that depression sting every winter through again. My psych said, “Do you think you deserve to suffer like this every winter? Why are people with diabetes allowed to take an injection?” In the end she convinced me like that and now sometimes I really wonder why I didn’t start this sooner.”

“Not only does it take away the dark blanket,” explains Nolet, “it also helps me with my almost manic moments in the summer. When I’m really high in my energy, I feel like I’m invincible and I just keep going. Sometimes I don’t sleep for days, really like I’m high. It also takes those exaggerated peaks away.”

Big change thanks to fatherhood

The 33-year-old singer became a father for the first time last March. “When I heard it, the first thing I thought was: shit, I’m not ready for a baby at all. I was just crawling out of that dark period, how was I going to take care of a baby? But something in me and Caroline said this should have been the case, as cliché as that sounds.”

“And in the end, Coco turned out to be the best reason to start taking good care of myself,” says Nolet. “That baby really is a dream. It’s so funny, everything I tell you about what she means to me makes no sense at all. She just lays there looking at you, like a source of light. That’s true beautiful And I know it’s a lot to hang on to a baby, but sometimes as a father you look into your daughter’s eyes and everything becomes quiet Inside yourself, around you And everything makes sense in a way you don’t understand.”

Nolet, who lost his father in 2012, notes that he feels calmer than ever these days. He explains that further. “I’ve always felt a kind of emptiness around the death of my father, as if I still had something to do with it. Coco filled that. I didn’t need anything more from my father, I was allowed to do it myself. I think sometimes: oh daddy, you would have thought it was so cool to see her. But I know I can do it without his guidance. I can do it myself.”

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